


Hold Me, Or Let Me Go

by Narry1D



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-14 03:26:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/832159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narry1D/pseuds/Narry1D
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything is a parallel universe:</p>
<p>Niall is flirtatious and vain. Harry is a sweet, charming, and smiling guy. Harry is secretly suffering from his mothers death, and Niall is secretly suffering over his and his mothers poor relationship. They really don't have anything in common. </p>
<p>They don't know each other. So what happens when the meet in a café?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is it, people. This is it. Da dum Da dum. You're welcome.

Niall was very...certain about himself. He always considered himself a ladies man and no one could resist him. Everyone knew him as 'the guy with blonde hair and blue eyes and he's dated everyone.' And to be honest, Niall didn't mind that. They all knew his name, they just preferred not to say it, because his name was basically God. And Niall was okay with that. 

Niall's girlfriends (or boyfriends, because Niall was bisexual,) only lasted a maximum of two weeks. Niall's longest relationship was with Jackson Thomas and it was only five weeks. Let's just say Niall had plenty of fun with Jackson. Niall was okay with that. 

Niall was sort of rich. Ever since Maura married that Plastic Surgon, Niall and Maura (his mother, but he always called her Maura,) have been swimming in money. Niall was sixteen and he was driving a Mercades Benz. Everyone begged him for a ride anywhere, it could be a ride home or a ride to a movie. It didn't matter. Niall's car was as nice or nicer than their parents car and Niall was okay with that. 

But Niall and Maura's relationship wasn't as great as it should be. They fought constantly, and not to mention terribly. It was always screaming or someone would end up throwing something at someone. Niall and Maura don't talk much and Niall  _wasn't_ okay with that.

\--

 Harry was  _always_ smiling. Harry smiled so often, people asked him if he smiled in his sleep, of course he didn't, it wasn't natural. Harry knew that sometimes his kindness, and how loud his is, and his smiles, got on people's nerves, quite easily. Harry had convinced himself that it was just  _their_ personality, not  _his._ His mom always told him he was a star, but Harry couldn't act, and he was slightly tone deaf, so really he didn't know what being a  _star_ meant, but he never got to find out, because Anne, (Harry's mother,) passed away. Harry still smiled, though he was dying inside, and sometimes he wished that he had died with her, because that's was he figured star meant. He was her star and she was his. They were light to each other, and now Harry has no light.

Harry had many friends, but no one knew his secret suffering. Harry wasn't depressed, which honestly surprised everyone, even Harry, and Harry didn't cut. (Harry hated blood, and pain). To add to everything, Harry found out that, yes, he was gay, and even though his mom wasn't there to help him, he knew that she accepted him.

 Harry had a sister, Gemma, and she looked after him. She was over eighteen, so she was his legal guardian. Harry's sixteen, but he finds himself being more mature than average. "That's not what everyone says," Gemma says, constantly. Gemma claims to know Harry better than  _Harry_ knows Harry, but Gemma doesn't even know Harry's gay. Harry is still in the closet, yes, but he's pretty certain everyone knows by now. How could they not? Harry dresses in Hollister and American Eagle, and honestly, does his hair better than Gemma could. Gemma thinks she knows, but she doesn't and thats that.

But being gay isn't everything Harry is. That's what he always told himself, that he isn't 'happy, smiley, gay Harry,' Harry is just  _Harry_. That's all that Harry wants to be. 

\--

Niall doesn't like coffee, but the girl he's dating does. Isabelle is her name, and she's a charm. She's got this amazing long brown hair, and these brown eyes that torch Niall, but Niall knows that her looks won't be enough in two weeks time. His wallet is stuffed and Isabelle looks over dressed to be in a coffee shop, but Niall figures it's better not to comment, because she's probably wearing painful heels and that uncomfortable looking dress for  _him._  

"What do you want, love?" He asks Isabelle as the approach the front of the line. She giggles at the pet name he gave her and for some reason it doesn't do it for him, and it wasn't cute, persay, and that shocks Niall becuase he usually loves giggles. Niall does his best to ignore his senses to roll his eyes.

"Just a mocha with cream, please." She tells him with a bat of her eyelashes. "I don't want anything too fatting." Niall rolls his neck, because he's heard the same stupid line over and over with these popular girls who are a size double zero and could honestly use the carbs. She giggles again, and he doesn't know why until he sees the cashier, who is a younger male, most likely fifteen, waving and winking at Isabelle,  _his_ date. And right when Niall was about to defend her and give this guy a punch is the jaw, he realized he couldn't have cared less, because seriously, all Isabelle had nothing going for her execpt for her tiny waist and good looks. So, he does the best thing for the situation and leaves. Isabelle kept calling out for him, but he just left without a word.

Niall was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't even realize he ran into someone. "Ouch," Said the mysterious man. He sounded older, but when Niall saw him, he couldn't have a been a day older than Niall, but man Niall found this guy  _way_ more attractive than Isabelle. Maybe it was fate for Isabelle to flirt with chasier anyway. "Man, I'm sorry, I didn't see where I was going, my fault."

Niall just shook his head and gave his best cool and collected laugh. "No, don't worry about it, my fault. I wasn't paying attention." Niall stuck out his hand and caputred the mystery man's. "The name's Niall, Niall Horan."

"Harry," Said the boy. "Harry Styles, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasures all mine." Niall said. Harry gave a nod, before excusing himself and walking into the coffee shop.

And maybe Niall silently hoped that this wouldn't be the last time seeing Harry Styles. The boy with the curly hair and the impossible green eyes. All of which, took Niall's breath away, and that was something that  _never_ happened to Niall.  _Ever._

_\--_

Harry hadn't forgot the meeting with the boy with the blue eyes, otherwise known as Niall. He was such an extrodinary boy, but he seemed more on the player side of the game, and Harry didn't know what to think of that, but Harry forgot how to flirt and be attractive since he hasn't dated anyone since he was thirteen, (before he found out he was gay), and Harry just didn't know if it would be okay to let himself fall for  _Niall Horan._  

Would Anne be okay with Harry dating another man? This is the first time Harry had ever really questioned it because really, Anne loved Harry no matter what he did, but somehow this is different, this is it becoming real. Like a wake up call. Harry thinks, "Oh my, I'm really gay." It isn't just what he gets off to anymore.

No, this is something entirely different. This is romantic connection, this is emotional, but for some reason Harry didn't see Niall as a very romantic person, but maybe that's what Harry needed right now. Someone who didn't force him into being in this whole emotional first relationship and someone who isn't afraid to take his virginity. Someone who Harry could look back on and thank for being there to help him out. That's what Harry needed.

But maybe Harry wanted a relationship where he falls in love and its emotional and when him and he's special someone make love it's like they're being connected. Maybe that's what Harry wanted, and there's no doubt in Harry's mind that, that is what Anne would have wanted for him. But that's the problem, after all this thinking, at the end of the day, the one guy Harry found worth getting to know, Harry didn't know if Niall wanted the same thing he did. Hell! Harry didn't even know of Niall was gay.

And Harry would be lying if he said that wasn't what scared him the most.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall decides wether seeing Harry is a good idea and Harry wonders why he's never good enough. Boom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope someone likes this. Probably not. Oh well. I like writing it.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you know that i realize that the chapters ARE short, but i usually keep things pretty short so I can update more often:) Sorry, if that isn't your thing, but I don't know that's what I've done since Wattpad. Ew.

Niall isn't sure of himself, which is weird because Niall is always sure of himself. Niall trusts himself, he always has. Really, Niall's gut is all he's ever had. His trust went down the drain at a young age, his instincts was all he had left and Niall accepted that to the farthest consent.

Seeing that boy really gave Niall a good kick in the gut. Harry seemed intriguing and kind and he was smiling constantly, but there was something about him that warned Niall to stay away from the lad. Niall guessed it was maybe a death of a family member or a secret that was keeping the world and Harry at two separate seas.

But there's this other thing. Harry isn't one for playing games; and Niall knows that just by his twinkle in his eye. Harry didn't even try to flirt with Niall, and quite honestly that surprised Niall probably more than it should.

So maybe, Niall guessed, he should stay away from Harry because obviously, Niall isn't what Harry was looking for. And Niall knew what Harry was looking for; a sharp guy with a nice smile and a guy who wants to be committed. And yes, Niall knew Harry was gay, really, Niall saw how Harry was dressed. It wasn't rocket science.

\--

"Just forget about it, yeah?" Zayn to Niall. Niall always had a good relationship with Zayn. Zayn understood because he's a player himself and he always has to tell himself to forget this one girl in school, she shall not be named, Zayn says.

Niall scoffed and rolled his eyes, because really, forgetting about Harry was impossible. "I can't, Zayn!" Niall turned over onto his stomach on his bed and faced Zayn who was on his chair. "And that's the problem! I don't know where he lives, his phone number, even what school he goes to! All I have his goddamn name!"

"You know to some people just getting a hot guy's name is an accomplishment." Zayn raised an eyebrow. And Niall did not get a vibe of protectiveness when Zayn said 'hot guy.' (Niall did).

Niall rolled his eyes again and said, "Well, we aren't most people, Zayn. We usually my get a date right when meeting someone we find interest in and now I've lost the one guy that I can't get out of my head."

"Where'd you meet him again?" Zayn asks after a few moments of silence.

"The café down the road. Why?" Niall. Niall knows the face Zayn is giving right now, it's his thinking face and Niall doesn't know if he likes it or not.

Zayn's eyes meet Niall's. "why don't you go there around the same time you ran into him yesterday?"

"But that's in like two minutes." Niall whines, because really he's comfortable and Niall doesn't even know if this plan will work.

"Then you better get moving, don't you think?" Zayn says. Niall groans and gets his keys from his desk. He goes down the stairs and opens the door. The spring air catching his noise. He runs to his car and gets in, starting it and tearing down the road.

But when Niall got there, there was no curly haired, green eyed boy. The boy that captivated Niall's time wasn't anywhere in sight. But Niall noticed something familiar. The boy, the cashier, the fifteen year old who stole Isabelle from him. He was sitting right there, drumming his fingers against the counter, obviously bored by the lack of customers. Niall decided he was already there, so asking the young boy a few questions wouldn't be that big of a deal.

Niall walked gracefully over to the counter. "Hey mate," Niall said, once he got to the counter. The boy looked up. "Just got a couple questions for you." The boy's eyes widened considerably.

"Mate," the young cashier said, cautiously. "I didn't mean to ruin your date with that girl the other day. I didn't even mean to flirt, she just took it that way. I'm so sorry, bro." The boy was obviously scared of Niall and that made Niall giggle in his head. Niall shook his head.

"I couldn't care less of her or the date." Niall shrugged. "She isn't what I came here for. I want to talk to you about a guy that was here around the same time I was."

The cashier raided an eyebrow. "Bisexual?" Niall nodded his head, not even blushing. He wasn't scared of his sexuality. "Let me guess, Harry? The guy with the curly hair and the green eyes?" Niall raised a confused eyebrow and nodded his head. "Yeah, usually people go for him. He's a mate of mine, actually. A kind fellow, he is."

"Yeah, Harry and I met, but I kind of wanted to get to know him better." Niall said, confidently. "I was wondering if you knew where I could find him."

The boy smiled. "Just order a coffee and hang out here, mate. Harry comes in for his afternoon coffee in about five. He's never late." Niall smiled at the boy and ordered his tea.

"I'm Louis, if you were wondering." Louis said. He smiled and shook Niall's hand.

"I'm Niall." Niall introduced himself.

"I know who you are. I'm a sophomore. I go to your school; everyone knows who you are. You're a legend." Louis said. The crinkles by his eyes deepened as he laughed.

"Hey, thanks mate." Niall said, taking his tea. "Cheers, don't make yourself a stranger in the hallways, yeah?" Louis smiles and nodded at Niall's suggestion. Niall took a seat at a small table toward the back. He took out his phone and texted Zayn that he was just about to meet Harry for the second time that week. But Niall forgot to mention the butterflies in his stomach or how his palms are getting sweaty.

Well, push come to shove, and a half hour later, Harry still hasn't shown. Niall had finished his tea, and was now trying to occupy himself by playing on his phone. He felt like and idiot; and he knew he very much looked like one. Niall sighed and looked at Louis, who was cleaning the counter for the night. Louis looked over a Niall and met his eyes. "He's not coming is he, mate?" Niall asked, slipping his phone into his pocket.

"I don't know why he isn't here." Louis shook his head. "He's always here. I mean, _always_ here. There hasn't been one day in a year that he's missed his afternoon coffee. I'm sorry, mate. I really am." Niall just shrugs, leaves a tip ad drags his sorry body out of the café. And Niall thinks that maybe, this was supposed to happen. That maybe, Niall and Harry weren't mean to see each other again and that maybe somewhere, someone was punishing him for his stupid mistakes with this pain in his heart that Niall was trying very hard to ignore. But that's that, Niall couldn't ignore it and he for sure felt like hell about it.

\--

But Harry just might have been there, lurking in his car, debating wether he should go inside because that bottle blonde was sitting there. And Harry wondered why he was so scared until he came to the realization that he didn't think he was good enough. In fact, Harry knew he wasn't good enough for the by with blonde hair and impossible blue eyes. And that's it. Harry decided he'd would leave because watching Niall sit there on his phone, looking like he's waiting for someone, Harry decided it was time to leave Niall alone.

Even though Harry's heart clenched at the idea.

\--

Niall has always been reasonable, and he'd always bounce back from a rejection-which _rarely_ ever happened-but he was _always_ confident and he was always Niall. So when Zayn saw Niall moping around in sweatpants and just staring at a wall, well, Zayn got worried. Zayn has never seen this happen (well, the exception of Judie Wall, who was Niall's first crush. This is how he acted when she rejected him, and Niall's been a player ever since). So for this guy, that Niall didn't even know, to come in and make Niall act like Judie had, well, he must have really, _really,_ taken Niall's breath away. And Zayn thinks that, that it's remarkable for someone to take _Niall's_ breath away, and Zayn thought that this bloke might be nice to meet, and it would be nice to have him in Niall's life, because this only happened once when Niall was thirteen.

"So," Zayn started. "He must really be special then, yeah?" Niall turned to him, his blue eyes, dull and the rims red, and Zayn can't believe that Niall started _crying_. And Zayn thinks, yeah, it would be nice to meet the guy.

Niall sniffs and pulls the blanket he had wrapped around himself tighter. "Special," Niall began, choosing his words carefully, "doesn't even begin to explain him. You don't get it Zayn. He was a freking angel on legs and I _swear_ he's hiding his wings somewhere. His face is perfect, his body is perfect, his smile is perfect, and by God, his _eyes_ , Zayn. I can't unsee them even if I tried." Niall shakes his head and says barely in a whisper, "I don't know if I want to." Niall meets Zayn's eyes again. "I'm going insane. Take the thoughts out of my head, take the feelings away, please Zayn, my chest, it, it _hurts._ "

"It's called heart break, Niall." Zayn says, running his hand over Niall's hair. "Something you know nothing about, it seems, but I hope that these feelings don't go away. They're normal, and healthy." Zayn closes his eyes, because he's dealing with heart break right now. That girl that won't give him the time of day, she hurts him, she makes _his_ chest hurt. "I love that I know that you aren't a stone wall with a black soul. I know you're Niall. That ten year old that cried when I had to go home." Niall sniffled, but laughed nevertheless. "I'm just glad I have Niall back, the real Niall, I missed you."

"I'm sorry, Zayn." Niall says, before drifting off to sleep, and Zayn thinks that, that's alright for the partier to fall asleep, becuase right now he is hurting because Niall's eyes are never dull and he's never sitting down. And Zayn hopes that Niall will come back the kid Niall that Zayn knew and loved.

\--

"Where were you yesterday?" Louis yelled at Harry. "You made me look like a damn fool! I was so sure you'd come in. I acted like a idiot in front of _Niall Horan._ Do you know who he is?" Louis rubbed the counter with so much frustration that Harry knew it had to hurt. "Oh, of course you don't. Let me fill you in. He's the coolest junior-no scratch that. _The_ coolest kid in my school, and he liked me, he was going to talk to me in school. Do you freaking understand what I'm saying to you, Harold? My high school life could have turned itself around. I get bullied, Harry! Just me saying hello to Niall Horan could have stopped it."

"He's just a guy." Harry says, shrugging his shoulders.

"Wrong." Louis says, throwing the rag down on the counter, and leaning in really close to Harry, and Harry can smell Louis's mint, he's so close. "Niall Horan is a god. He gets whoever he wants and right now, he wants you. I've never seen him chase someone as hard as he's chasing you. So you better find a way to talk to him and apologize for you absence becasue trust me, your time being Niall's target it just about up." Louis stares at him and Harry thinks that if Niall thinks he so amazing then he shouldn't have to apologize, he should just move on, becasue really, Harry's no prize.

Harry shakes his head. "Like hell I'm going to apologize." Louis gapes at him. "Look, everyone wants him, right? Then what makes me so goddamn special? Really, if he could have anyone, then he can have anyone but me, because honey, I don't date players like him."

"You," Louis begins, shaking a finger at him. "You can't do that."

"Watch me." Harry says, winking and leaving the shop.

And that's when Harry, Louis, Niall, and Zayn know this is a game. A big game of who plays who, and who cheats the banker.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry sees Niall and Harry is somewhat breathless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.

The next time Harry saw Niall was at a mall, of course Harry hid. Harry only saw Niall, Niall didn't see Harry. At this point, Harry was done denying that he's running because he is. He is running. Harry finds it dumb and thinks of himself as a coward, but what is he supossed to do? Sure, Niall seems charming and nice, and he's flat out gorgeous, but he's a player, and Harry knows that if he lets himself be around Niall that Harry will fall for Niall and he will be heart broken. Harry's careful like that, he always has been. Yeah, Harry makes friends easily and very, _very_ few people have problems with him, but the only person who knows Harry and gets Harry is his mother, and his mother is gone.

So yes, Harry is lonley, even though there's people always surronding him, he doesn't have anybody know the real him, just the outer Harry that everybody likes and knows. Harry knows that if he falls for Niall, he will let him in and Harry will admit that he doesn't want that to happen, because yes, Harry is really _that_ parinoid.

\--

Niall should be over this school boy crush because by this time, he usually is. He has never been crushing on someone for more than three weeks, and Niall has been fanning over Harry for nearing four. What troubed Niall is that, he only saw Harry once and all of a sudden Harry is Niall's world. Niall hasn't seen Harry since, and it's bugging Niall, even though he knows it shouldn't. Niall shouldn't be worried about the curly lad, because Niall knows nothing about him. He doesn't even know Harry's last name, but if he did, that would make this so much easier.

But Niall had something else to confess. He was scared to talk, to find, and to be with Harry. He got these...these butterflies in his stomach, and it was weird. He heard some of his friends talking about them whenever they thought of the guy they were crushing on at the moment, but Niall never expericenced them, and really, they were terrible. It wasn't like Niall was obessed with Harry, per say, but he was interested. Harry was one of those guys where it's like even if was staring at a wall, it would be interesting. Niall doesn't know if other people feel that way about Harry, but Niall does, and it bugs the shit out of him.

\--

So when they saw eachother next, it was a big shock. It was at the coffee shop, and it was set up by Louis, even though they didn't know that when they got there.

\--

Niall surprised himself when he actually showed up to talk to the younger kid that worked at a coffee shop. Sure, Niall was nice, but he really didn't need to go talk to this kid. Really, what importance does he have in Niall's life anyway? And he wouldn't have showed if the young boy didn't sound so needy, and sad. So Niall showed up, and when Louis saw him, Niall could literally see rainbows in his eyes. Yeah, it was a bit creepy for Niall, but whatever. If it made the kid happy to see Niall, then so be it.

"Hey mate," Niall said, approaching Louis. "What's up?" Louis didn't respond, and he wasn't even looking at Niall. He was looking past Niall at the door. Niall rolled his eyes, he knew this was waste his time. Louis probably saw a hot girl or something and now he wo-

Niall turned around to see what Louis was staring at.

Niall saw Harry.

Harry saw Niall.

Then they both turned and glared at Louis, who smiled and said, "Surprise!" He looked almost scared, but then he was happy. He waited till Harry was next to Niall before he started talking. Niall blushed like mad when he felt Harry's presence next to him. Niall had been waiting so long for this. "Look, I know that you both probably hate me right now, but every time either of you come in, you're moping and I can't help but feel like that's because you both really, really, really like each other. What's stupid is that you've been avoiding each other, because you're scared little boys who just can't fess up to feelings, or do anything about it and I'm sick of you guys coming in and ruining my mood, and my day, so just fucking kiss already!" Louis said, rushed. By the time he finsished, his face was red. "Just sort it out, okay? I have costumers."

Niall turned toward Harry, and he was entranced again, but Harry nodded to the door going outside, and Niall nodded, following him out the door. Once they were outside, they sat down on the bench that was right outside. Harry took a breath and sat forward, rubbing his hands against his jeans. Niall sat back and looked around, trying to find something to say. Harry finally sat back and looked a Niall. 

"Louis is an idiot." Harry said. Niall found himself getting lost in Harry's voice, when he knew that he shouldn't have. Niall laughed a bit, and smiled at Harry.

"He has good intentions." Niall said, hoping he wasn't coming on to strong. Harry just smiled, raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "Do you like me?" Niall asked randomly. Niall shut his eyes. Why would he say that?! Why now?! Damn it, Niall thought, I'm an idiot.

Harry licked his lips. "I barely know you." He said as an answer. Of course he didn't like Niall. Of course. The one person Niall really wanted, he couldn't have. Niall began to get up to leave. "Wait!" Harry said grasping his hand.

"Why?" Niall asked. He felt himself growing angry and emotional. "Why? Why should I? Do you know that I've been crying over this. I have never felt this in my life. I play people. I date people. I dump people. That's who I am." Niall said, feeling his eyes trying to shield back tears. "But then I met you. Suddenly, I don't want to play people. I don't want to date other people. I don't want anybody else, and that scares me. Then here you are, and I finally get to speak to you and you tell me no. That fucking hurts, man." 

Harry looks at Niall with so much emotion, Niall just might cry from looking at his eyes wetting and from the wrinkles in his forehead. "I make you feel that way?"

"Jesus, Harry!" Niall yelled. "Yes. You do. You make me feel that way. I don't know how else to tell you." Niall said, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry, I really have to go."

\--

Niall cried that night. Like really cried. Like his nose was raw, and his eyes hurt. 

\--

Harry cried that night, too. Niall was the one thing that could bring Harry back to life inside.

And now he was gone.


End file.
